I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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