she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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