I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
