Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
