This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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