are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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