Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
