when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
