What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Green mimosas i think yes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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