did you get engaged???
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
