Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
