I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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