we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
