when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Houston, we have a blender
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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