He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
