Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
