Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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