She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
