i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
