Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
