I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
