Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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