i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
