kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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