who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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