well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
