i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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