In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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