i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
