I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
