My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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