you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
