and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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