Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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