That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
