What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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