I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
