We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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