I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
