need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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