Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
