Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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