I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
