If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
