Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
