Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
