i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
