the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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