True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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