hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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