I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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