like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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