Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
